WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME, BRITNEY?
(THE OFFICIAL GUIDE TO PULLING BRITNEY SPEARS)

Let’s face it, at some point in our lives we’ve all dreamed of going out with a really attractive famous person or fantasised about having a gorgeous bit of A-list crumpet for a girlfriend.

Sadly though, non-celebrity mortals like you and me have about as much chance of pulling the Britneys and Kylies of this world as we have of discovering that the landlord of the local pub is in fact Pol Pot who apparently faked his own disappearance, was given a new identity by the CIA and is currently developing a cure for knob cheese and ginger hair.

Realising that Britney Spears is in a totally different league to you is a bit of a downer, but at www.smellmycheese.com we believe that every cloud has a silver lining. Working on the assumption that however nicely you ask her, Britney Spears will always turn you down, you have a very good case for blind optimism and a great opportunity for a comedy moment.

We all know that women like a man with a sense of humour so all you need to do, when asking Britney to go out with you, is to do it in a silly voice and then pull a stupid face! It’s as easy as that. Britney has heard every chat up line under the sun and this will be an approach she will never have seen before. She is therefore bound to want to go out with you for your sheer originality. To guarantee your success in asking Britney Spears to go out with you, we’ve compiled our own foolproof guide. Below are some examples of how to ask Britney Spears to go out with you, and some handy tips to get her to say yes. All you need to do is follow these three easy steps:

1) Approach Britney Spears at a media party or in an exclusive nightclub

2) Politely ask her if she will go out with you.

3) Pull a very stupid face before she has a chance to answer. Try to make yourself look as daft as possible (see the picture below).

This section is in two columns; the wrong way and the right way. The left hand column has pictures of famous male celebrities who get it wrong and on the right are the perfect examples of the pulling machine.

The Wrong Way		The Right Way
1) The Debonair Approach
“Sean has got it all wrong. He is far too smooth and oozes too much confidence. This is bound to put Britney off.”		“A perfect example of mindless optimism. Girls just love this approach. Britney will be putty in your hands.”
2) Work As A Team
“This just won’t do. These guys have got no chance of pulling Britney Spears. Such a blatant pose will never work.”		“What can I say? If these lads don’t get Britney’s juices flowing then I don’t know what will!!”
3) The Macho Look
“Totally unrealistic and over the top. This will simply intimidate Britney and she will probably run a mile.”		“Muttering obscenities and shouting at ticket machines is a sure way of being noticed. Pop icons always like men who smell of paint thinner and stale urine.”
4) The Well Groomed Look
“Gorgeous celebs like Britney would never go for the neatly trimmed look It looks like you’ve made too much effort and girls don’t like that.”		“Don’t shave for at least 6 weeks and make sure your hair is dirty and unkempt so Britney will want to run her fingers through it out of curiosity.”